On the occasion of an exhibition of her work at Hodshill
House near Bath, in December 2001, painter Angela
Weyersberg talked about the profound
effect the Feldenkrais Method has had on her work and on
herself. What Angela said was recorded, transcribed, and
edited by Ilana Nevill .
During the exhibition quite a few people were particularly
struck by some large drawings of cedar trees in
the garden, and told me: "Your trees look as if they
had limbs, arms and legs".
I understood straight away and saw it then : This
was completely new! I hadn't intentionally made those limbs
myself. I had studied the tree very much, immersing myself
more and more in this tree, becoming more and more part of
the tree. My own body was very important. It felt as if I
knew where the tree was in my body...
 I have to try and put words to this now: Maybe it
is like having to find a place in my body for what I see
and then translate it again; it has to be transformed.
It's the same with colours. It's very interesting, I know
the colours in my paintings are not seen, they are felt .
I understood that quite clearly when I wanted to remember
the colour of leaves, these marvellous autumn colours in
the garden like beautiful carpets on the ground. I thought "How
can I remember this vibrant yellow? How can I ever paint
anything like this?" It took me a little while - two
days - and then I thought: "Now I know where this yellow
is in my body!" I remember the place in my body when
I want to paint this yellow and I find it again. But I must
have done this for a very long time, because I always knew
that my colours are not what I see. They have to be experienced
and lived with for a very long time and then I can make the
picture and it is usually right. My body tells me, it's either
in my shoulders or in my chest or can be in my belly...in
various places. This has to do with a passion of feelings
which come from that direction.
[When Angela joined an Awareness Through Movement class
she frequently experienced the most vivid colours
while exploring a movement.]
In one class I became completely euphoric and I didn't understand
what was going on, but thought this was part of the exercise
and everybody had the same experiences. But then I found
that the others had had totally different experiences.
When I do the lessons now, I don't think of all that...
I let the colours happen because they are on a different,
much more superficial level than what we do in the lesson.
It's a nervous reaction; I am highly pitched, so I have the
most fantastic colour-experiences - and also experiences
of space. But I haven't translated that into art. I don't
like to do that. It's lovely, it's nice, it belongs to me,
but it's also a bit frightening because the space in which
these colours move is so enormous. It's like the stars, when
you really get into the sky at night and look at the stars,
ah, the vastness becomes so enormous. I feel: "Oh where
am I? I want to be on the ground and in a little place where
I belong."
I can get into this sky, this firmament, and loose myself;
the same as in mountain landscapes when I am too high...
Drawing these trees I realized something very interesting
about nature in general: why it is so wonderful to be anywhere
outside and how quickly it is wonderful. You don't have to
be there for long because we can relate everything to our
body and our body becomes the outside.
When I am drawing I am very much linked to the tree and
I think: "What is it that makes this tree as I see it?" And
in comes my body suddenly. It is only my body that can attempt
the tree, because I cannot see and understand the tree. I
can't be the tree, but I can be my body and then relate to
what I see out of my own limits...
It's not sensation...it's a wonderfulness of being more
in tune and needing much less in life!
With these Feldenkrais lessons I come to a point where I
am very happy just as I am and don't need a lot of sensations,
don't have all these desires. I am very happily and wonderfully
in tune with myself. Wonder is important because it is always
new and it can be there any time when I am with my body.
That is the gift of these lessons. You have to be in the
moment. This is something which artists probably do: they
look for the moment, they find the moment is precious. And
you need to make space for this; so life becomes different;
you are not striving for activity - you can't because you
loose the moment then.
Feldenkrais had a big effect on me. It was very comfortable
and it linked up with my work, certainly, but then I also
became interested in it for another reason. It had to do
with entering something else... It was my body , which isn't
really some thing. In my art I usually enter things; I enter
a tree, I enter a face, I enter a flower very much, and then
I become all this. I become the tree, I become this root...
Entering my own body. however. is an enormous experience. I
think I had quite a hostile relationship to my body. I used
to enter my body through other things, through the flowers,
through the trees, and through what I did in painting; this
was my way to myself. 
I know that I did not learn to like my body. I never liked
my body when I was young. I didn't understand... my body
was not a nice body when I was young. I could not like it,
and I know it probably comes from my relationship with my
mother. She did not cuddle me and love me. This is not to
say anything bad about her; it was just this culture I lived
in where the body was not important; the body was left out.
But I had to find the body - we all have to live in a body,
want to live in a body - I think that's why I started painting,
getting involved with life itself. I did it with my body,
of course, but I didn't know that I was trying to inhabit
my body properly. I used my body for becoming what I liked,
and ' what I found was the wonder in life. But I only received
my body now.
I arrived in my body, which is of course the essential.
You only have to be in your body in life. You don't have
to be in flowers or trees; but if you are in your body it's
a gift. One doesn't need to be an artist to do this, but
I used the work of an artist to become myself. We
all do this in different ways.
I think when you get older you need to be in your body;
this is the most important thing: to arrive at yourself,
to arrive in your body - and then you go further. Your body
is your house which is given to you; you have to accept and
like it as it is. You have to get out of it too because ultimately
you are somewhere else...
Years and years ago I wrote something down for you about
a night when I was walking out in the country. It was the
first time when I felt something completely new: "I am connected!
I am in the universe and I am part of all this
I got lost when I was walking in the woods very close to
our house, just on another hill. But I could not see anything
and I thought "How do I get home now?...I need all my senses
because I remember temperatures in different areas, and remember
sounds, and I have to find all these and when I find them
I find my way home." ...and I did. It was about my outside
skin and my listening and remembering how my body felt in
these places when it was light and I knew where I was.
This was the Feldenkrais experience in relationship to the
outside world. I wrote this down for you three years ago, but
I never gave it to you, and recently found it again. |
